Dear Xenia

It Pays to Be Kind

often I’ve found myself balancing the thought, how can i pour into others, not at the detriment of myself?

I’ve been told, “don’t be a martyr”.  If that is the closest thing to be associated with, is that so bad?

I don’t advocate for the wrecking of self, but at times I feel like I haven’t done enough if I don’t feel completely spent at the end of the day. And even worse, when I feel spent, yet defeated all at once. Not to be ever so dismal, because this is, in fact, a story of self love (that im still writing).

in the meantime… here’s a list of things that feel like self love (to me, because i am only myself)

• taking skincare down the neck

• having faith over fear

• drinking water until I can’t

• burning candles all the way down

• making my bed the most comfortable it can be (high praises to bamboo toppers and down alternative quilts - im vegan and on a budget)

• a honey bun when you feel like crashing out

• watching miffy

• being a plant mom (only God knows if I’ll be a real mom - is a biological clock real?)

• pinot grigio (i teeter totter with the truthfulness of this)

• prayer, duh (yet i always am shocked it really is that great, shoutout any compositions by nazo zakkak)

• oh! and getting your nails done; and speaking up if they eff it up, with kindness - that’ll be extra

and whimsy! I added hair tinsel for the fun of it, life on earth can be ever so boring

ps. i wrote this because my partner signed up for my email list months ago and he has been patiently awaiting the next

i also rediscovered my macbook, which wasn’t lost, i just lack object permanence? this fossil of a device is covered in sentient cannabis leaves and holographic demon slayer stickers, which is a gentle reminder that I have owned this for almost ten years, and am (if im lying im flying) pushing thirty.